没有你 张智成

没有你
曲：郭建良 词：方文山 编：
一天空的雨这小镇的天气停格在原地
提醒我你的离去 窗外的雨滴倒影出那过去
我微笑想起黑白画面的记忆 听说有一行文法很美的造句
叫(要)我们永远在一起 说说而已 没有了你
我恨自己思念就像周糟的空气存在但看不见
想你总是来不及 没有了你我恨自己
日子只剩下练习在等你 我微弱的呼吸声在很清楚的想
你却无能为力 所谓的距离是不知道你在哪里
写好的想你没办法投递

Still in camp..

Have been in camp for the last week. Have finally finished marking my exam papers in there with of course the help of many of my buddys with the MCQs and the tabulation of marks. Everyone is sympathetic with the burden that I carried with me into camp.

You can imagine this, going out for lectures, upon returning to bunk, immediately start marking. Go out field for missions, come back to camp with camou paint still on my face, start marking. Went for my medical refresher course, return back to bunk and started marking. I missed my nights off yesterday because I wanted to rush finish the darned papers. Really stressed out by the paltry deadlines set by my school. But boss was alright with the delay when I called him today. very glad he understood. He even asked how I was doing there as if I was his son.

Overall I must say my thanks to all those who helped me finshed the assignment. It was quite a sight to see dudes in their uniforms sitting around in bunk marking MCQs and tablulating marks. Even to the admin guys in ITC HQ S1 branch who helped to faxed the exam results over to my school. I must a say a big thank you to them. It must have been quite a sight back in school to receive the exam results with the heading 622 Singapore Infantry Regiment, ITC HQ. Probably the results will be classifed as restricted documents after all they are handled by the army.

My platoon sergeant suggested that I take the exam papers out in the field and take a picture of me marking papers on the camouflaged jeep, with my camouflaged face, red pen in my left hand, SAR 21 rifle in my right hand. The anti tank missiles as the background. The boys said they should then send the picture to MOE and tell them how overworked teachers are.

So Vani, as you can see it is really not much of a break for me so far. But since I had faxed the results away today. I am finally FREE!!

Anyway, training wise, there has been lots of changes in terms of how the Army works now, it is definitely more organised and the equipment is also much better. Though we now used the older MILAN missiles for training. I must say the standard of training is much better than before. But that also means it is more trying for us dudes who are no longer 19 years old. It is hard work in the field, lots of panting and gasping every time the drills are conducted. Went back to the forest a few days ago. The environment have not changed much since 1998. Tanks rolling past still frequently kick up so much dust that the whole jeep including ourselves with a layer of red dust. We cursed and sweared under our helmets.

Here a list of what has happened so far.

• went for MILAN training with twice manpacking up the hill
• marshaling for IPPT test
• practiced intraveneous injection during my medical course
• had lots of lecture on international laws, dealing with mass media etc... (sleeping most of the time)
• drove the jeep around a couple of times.
• did a refresher course on the SAR 21 rifle and MILAN missile and firing post
• cursed and sweared alot
• scolded and sabotaged Lye many many times..
• being sleeping and eating well, very regular meals
• started playing "chua tai di" today, no time before that cos of marking
• went to jurong point for nights off on tuesday, the shopholder thought we are still army boys

Thats all for now... returning back to camp later..

Starry starry night

Stood at the corridor of the bunk,
gazing up at the stars that so often can be seen in those clear country skies.
The grizzled silhouette of the parked jeeps and can be seen on the parade square.
The antics of Lye and company can be overheard at the back as they play their poker games.
A smile came to my face, the brothers are really back after 6 long years.

I felt that I was 19 again. But I am 26.
The smell of stale clothes mixed with gun oil,
The fresh forest smell
The songs blaring from the cheap radios,
The sound of whirring fans
The flip flop sound of someone walking to the bathroom in their slippers.
An occasional swear word which so often dotted our vocabulary can be overheard coming from the bunks.
The thumping from someone trying to shut the belligerent cupboard doors.
A scream of mercy from someone being locked by another dude in a wrestling match.

1200 men, all reunited in an instance from the word of the army.
Engineers, bankers, teachers, inspectors analyst etc.
were no longer in this starry starry night.
They are all back to 19 years old.
Boys dun grow up, they jus turn bald and...eh...heavy?

A scene from my camp in the evenings.

Not a hectic day but still tired

Got back from camp today, not too much activity but still am tired. Tried to mark my papers but cant seems to do it. Wanted to do some preflight, cant do that either. DS have slotted me for a 1.30 circuit session tomorrow as the youth flying club people pulled some sorties off. So I managed to get a slot.

Tried to ask people out for dinner, but it seems everyone is occuppied in one way or another. Feeling a bit down tonight, cant explain why. Thought of wat Lim asked me the other time. He asked me, what the hell happened to me? Why the sudden change from outgoing to docile creature. From the jovial nonsense rambling jerk to now the quiet man..

Have been thinking alot about it myself. I guess, it about been taken granted for far too many times. This is especially so by lady friends. Thought about those that have came and gone out of my life. Many have treated me as someone to look for when there is a need for help or when there is trouble. Because very often they knew that a listening ear or a helping hand is often available here. But when things are nice and rosy, I am nothing but a redundant friend. Someone u can choose to ignore and neglect when necessary.

Overtime I got tired of it all...tired and disappointed. Lim chose a life of quiet and even to the extent of being anti social sometimes, much in so to protect himself. I chose a life of diplomacy firmly believing that been friendly and helpfulness will enrich both my life and others. At the end result, it was me who often got bloodied nose from people who chose at different times of their needs to disregard me. So I wonder now if I had made a right choice after all... for the fatigue is unbelievably overwhelming.

Tallying the casualty rate this year, many of the friends that once were, is no longer. Maybe in a way, it is good for me, because I have gotten to see their real side. All the helpfulness that I have so dilligently contributed before amounts truly to nothing. Thinking of all that it saddens me.

Anyway life is darn quiet now. And I wonder now, what direction I should head...

Infantry..

The long reaching arms of the army has recalled me back to my unit. Back as a soldier. I realise there are lots of things that I once cursed and sweared about is so much more milder than all the stress that I am undergoing now as a teacher. To me, getting back into the infantry for two weeks allow me to rest my overstressed body and brain.

Eating right, sleeping right, and exercise, yep it is sorta forced upon you. But its good for the body. The camadarie with my old buddies is back and I am in tune with the rifles, jeep, stores and the old green uniform.

And today out of the blue, i am issued a military driving licence, claimed i passed my jeep driving test in 1997. I was like the?????

Anyway going to rest now, managed to talk to a friend I havent spoken to for quite a while. So didnt managed to finish writing this entry. Its great talking to her.

alright

am tired already..,yawn...

"Purplelight....in the war front....that is where I wanna be..."

JS and JM birthday today.

Its JM and JS birthday today. One of them is a gal that I once loved.The other my buddy.

For JM I didnt do anything. Not even a message or anything. Didnt feel the need to do anything. Dun want her to have the impression that I am waiting for her or anything. Like I said before. The bus has left and she is not on it. She have had her chance.

For JS perharps this is the first time in years that we are unable to celebrate his birthday. Wanted to get him one of those nice sports caps bearing the Cessna logos so that he can wear it while flying. I am interested in getting one anyway. But the Cessna aircaft company website doesnt seem to be working. So eh...all I can say is too bad dude..haha.

Back to work.

末日之恋 - 张智成

剩下没多少时间
让我再唱一首歌给你
一过了今夜 世界就毁灭
我想我还有一天
可以学会如何来爱你
在来不及以前 渴望来得及

闭上眼睛 忍住泪 别哭泣
末日前夕请留在 我怀里看
太阳暗去 月光失明我只想牵你的指尖 绕地球最后一圈
黑夜降临 别害怕 我爱你
末日前夕请留在 我怀里
我 在这世界最眷恋的事情就是曾拥抱你

(多想永远拥抱你)
感受到什么在剧烈颤抖
是天空或者你的手
别让任何事情打断我看着你
最后一次看着你

What really happened on the previous flight?

The previous flight was on a lazy National Day afternoon. The skies are hazy but the sun is unusally glaring. Not too comfy at all. The airfield was completely quiet, I was the only guy flying that day. My instructor DS and I drove quietly in my van to the airfield from the clubhouse. I parked the van, and we walked to the entrance of the airfield. The policeman smiled and waved us in. As we approached the aircraft, DS headed me the keys to the Cessna. It was a ridiculously small key but it held the inspiring Cessna logo. Opening the aircraft doors is nothing glam. Feels more like opening a locker than an expensive vehicle.

Did my internal checks, while the fuel truck comes and DS did the refueling. The fuel truck wasnt manned by the 16 year old looking like crewman that I saw the other time. Perharps not his shift.

Finish my checks and DS clambered in. I did the engine startup by reading out loud the checklists. Asked for clearance with my best "airline pilot voice" and taxied out to runway 21. I was pleased with my proficency. Took off and started doing circuits. Take offs and landings continously around the the airfield. The flightsimming had helped tremendously, I was familar with the various legs of the circuit and managed to maintain level height when needed. Flying over the Johore straits was a real joy, the sun shimmering in the sea and the ships resting in the docks at the Johore Bahru wharfs. The only plane buzzing in the circuit so need not queue to land or take off.

Trouble starts when DS was guiding me through a final approach in runway 21. The tower suddenly sounded and gave as a warning about a minor obstacle on the runway, we couldnt see it. But DS acknowledge the information and we continued the approach carefully. Coming down closer, I saw it was a bird. We began to avoid it by trying to land ahead of it. The bird got startled and took off to escape. It was no match for our speed of 135km/h , the bird slammed onto the starboard wing with a loud thump and tumbled back onto the floor. From its wing size, we knew the bird is an eagle. It was a big bird.

As it was a touch and go, I opened the throttle and flew back into the sky. The radio sounded, "niner oscar quebec you have hit the bird! I repeat you have hit the bird! Fly past the tower to do visual inspection and we will check you once over." DS lowered the flaps, jiggled the wings a little and we glanced around the plane looking for damage. The controls feel alright and nothing seems to be broken. The tower immediatlely asked us to land while a truck races out to the runway to pickup the still breathing eagle.

We came in and landed safely. We stopped the engine and got out of the plane to do an inspection all around. Expecting to see lots of blood, there were none. Only a scratch on the right wing leading edge. We then took off again, and DS were joking with the tower people about having barbecued bird for dinner that night. We were all laughing away in the radio.

Shortly after the airspace was closed to allow the NDP planes and helicopters to do the flypast. We landed and still I felt happy and proficent about the flight.

As I rested to do my paperwork after the flight, the fact dawned onto me. I had escaped death. There has been crashes caused by birdstrikes, we were lucky very lucky. That big bird has hit the strongest part of the plane. Hitting any other parts could have resulted in a crash. Hitting the windscreen would have killed me. Hitting the landing gear would have made us unable to land. Hitting the fin or tailplanes would have sent the plane spinning out of control. If I had flown a turbine engine plane like the learjets or even F16s would have suck the bird into the engine intakes and probably blew up the engine.

Told AJ about it after the flight. He didnt wanna really think too much about it, as he was preparing for a flight to Vancouver. I knew his fear, an eagle of this size flying into his Boeing 777 would have resulted in a lot of damage to the engine. A crash is not impossible. That night at home, I did shake a little from the trauma. I am glad to be alive.... the bird I am not too sure now. Its wings were broken and it was sent to a research unit on birdstrikes. I guess DS will have lots of reports to write about the incident/emergency.

But I grown alot more confident in flying due to this incident. Now I am more confident that I would be able to go solo by the end of this year. And I never felt more alive after this....

Still the aviator in me...

Today is my convocation for my teacher's diploma. Offically I am a full flegded teacher now. Mum and Dad is happy to see me in a graduate gown once again. Well how do I feel....hmm
That is a good question. As with my graduation with NUS. I wasnt overly happy and a little bored with the ceremony. But I knew Mum and Dad always enjoys seeing me in such occasion for they also see it as a sign of accomplishment for both me and themselves. Took lots of pictures with my classmates and practicum mates. Lots of gals once again and Dad is shaking his head once again. So many gals and not a single girlfriend he laments.

Made them wait a little cause had lots of pics to take. After that went down to the seaside and took some pics with Mum and Dad in the gown. Saw someone again, but I didnt dare to ask her for help to take pictures. Perharps I got nothing to say to her. I do feel a little guilty about ignoring her. Anyway, she didnt really acknowledge me . So there is nothing I could have done even if I tried.

Well after the photo sessions, I brought my parents out for dinner at Holland, and ordered quite alot of food. After that I joined PH LN and AY for coffee at starbucks in Holland. Talk alot about school and of course lots of complains about students and a discourse on ways to deal with them.
It was teacher talk but rather relaxing to be able to laugh about the troubles of our work. After that we left, and as the gals left. I walked to the newsvendor and look at the magazines. I picked up a copy of Private Pilot and paid for it. It has being ages since I bought a copy. The last time I bought it was in KL when I was shopping with JY at Petronas Towers.

Sleeves rolled up and looking relaxed, I began reading the magazine on the way back on the bus. As usual, other passengers will stared when I read aviation stuff on the train/bus. I stole a glance and then a little smile came to my face. I am no longer the boy who reads the aviation stuff to imagine and fantasies about how flying is like. I am a real flyer and knows exactly what is written in the magazine. "Going Solo"one of the topics in the mag. And it is now a real objective I must work towards. Having handled the incident during the last flight have gave me confidence that I can really fly. This day is also my convocation for being an aviator.

While teaching is a job I like but it is still work, flying is my passion and dream. And because of that I have always being different from other boys since young. While other boys bury themselves with sports news and rock music. I am always the one reading on aerodynamics and flight manuals. From young I stared at the skies to imagine myself up there one day. That persisted till the days I stared up from NIE and looked up at the fighters streaking across the skies. Shortly after that, my flying lessons started and I occasionally really spent time buzzing around in the skies. Staring at the skies began to serve another purpose; to check the weather.
Well of course, one day I would wish to turn professional in my flying jus like JS and AJ. But for now a short term goal is to go solo by the end of this year. Or at least before JS comes back, lest he thinks of some nasty sabotage for me on that day. :P

Two tiring days has gone by...

Incident today...

My mind still thinking about the million things that could have gone wrong today during the flight. I was very very lucky indeed. Will write more on it when my nerves have calmed down, now I knew how AJ felt during that difficult landing he made in Bali the other time. He was awoke the whole night after the incident.

Am glad I was calm and controlled, almost laughing at it when it happened. But now thinking back I shudder at the many other outcomes that could have happened.

Flight simming finally

Finally manage to do a flight on the simulator today. Rushed home after watching "The Village". Wash up, turn on the computer and started setting up the flight. The choice of destination is Kuantan as I had once contemplated going there for a dive trip this weekend. Departure airfield is homefield Seletar and the choice of aircraft is the Cessna 172SP not very different from the C172N that I fly in real life. Filed an instrument flight plan with 8000ft as cruising altitude.

As I started up the engine on the tarmac in Seletar, the skies are clear and there is hardly any any other air traffic in the area. The stars are out and only some scattered cumulus clouds can be seen. I took off using runway 21 and did a lazy turn over Yishun before heading up north. It was a calm and moonless night as I head across the Johore Straits towards my destination. The take off time is 1:17 Singapore time.

As i tried to climb up to the cruising altitude, the little plane climbed to 6000ft and began showing reluctance to climb any higher. Persisted for a while, and then having no choice, embarrasingly requested the Approach to reassign a cruising altitude to 6000ft instead. Setting the plane on autopilot, I began to relax as I gaze out of the windshield. Night flight is indeed meditative as Ernest K Gann described it. The land was largely dark except for the occasional building and the occasional travelling car. Million of stars shone from above and the clouds drifted lazily in the distance. I took out my handphone and turned on its radio for music.

Johore state and the Pahang state passed by gradually, and as we I inside the Kuantan region, the air became slightly turbulent and the nimbus clouds began to formed up. Soon the plane was surrounded by thick clouds and began bouncing around in the rough air. Soon after crossing the Sungei Pahang, the Kuantan approach sounded and requested for me to line up for approach into Kuantan airport. I descended to 2600ft and began searching for the airport. I was still 50 miles from the destination.

A twinkling light soon appeared on the horizon, and I flew towards it. It was runway 36 of Kuantan Airport. The landing was smooth despite of the rough air. It is 3:10 Singapore time when I landed. I taxied gingerly to the ramp. Yawning away, I shut down the aircraft and its various systems. It was tiring but I made it.. :P

Things to memorise for this weekend

Notes for the C172R from JS, something for me to memorise.

Climb 80 kts Full power
> Cruise 2200rpm
> Descent, Cruise 500fpm/110kts ~1900rpm
> Descent, Base 500fpm/70kts ~1300rpm w 20flaps
>
> Rotation Speed 60 (0flaps) 57 (10flaps)
> Normal Climb 80kts
> Max Angle of Climb 60
>
> Norm Cruise power 2200
> Best Glide 65
>
> Normal App 65 (10flaps) 65 (20f) 60 (30flaps)
>
> Flapless 70
> Shortfield [perf landing 62-60kts
>
> Clean Stall 44
> Full Flap stall 33
>
> Vne 163
> Max Cruise 129
>
> Manoeuvuring 2400 pds 99
> 2000 pds 92
> 1600 pds 82
>
> Max Flaps extension 10 = 110kts
> 20,30 = 85kts
>
>
> Max Ramp weight/Take off weight 1117/1114 kg
>

Last day before the long break

Schools ends for the time being, and once again my brain and my body can take a breather from all the chaos of teaching life. Got lots of marking to do this weekend, plus need to study for flight on Monday. Finally can concentrate on being a flyboy for this weekend.

Had to stay back in school to do some stuff after the morning celebrations, and then went back to NIE after that to get my gown. Saw someone there, but guess she treated me more like a stranger than a person whom was once a friend. Honestly, I never understood what I had done to deserve such a treatment. It took courage to let someone knew yr feelings, and I had to muster lots of it to say it. Was it wrong for me to do that? I dun see the reason for me to receive such a treatment. Unfair?yes. But what can I do. The ball is out of my court.

Anyway, met up with AJ after that at Discovery centre to watch the Antartica show on Ernest Shackleton. It was a story which once fascinated me and JS during varsity days when we were reading the book "South". It was a nice movie but I find it too shortened and didnt really do justice to the book. After the show we walked around the centre a little looking at the outdoor static displays.

Coming across the A4 skyhawk, AJ and I did a mock preflight check around the aircraft. And my goodness, we really checked it over. It seems that the old plane still have lots of gauges and wiring, hydralic lines still intact even though it has been on static display for years. It was good fun, to pretend really. AJ wasnt too familar with miltary planes, so we exchanged notes on the old jet while checking it over.

Went for a long drive after that and ended up having dinner at scenic tengah hilltop farmart. Order some great food, and did some catching up. Being awhile since "the gathering of the flyboys", glad to hear JS doing alright over at Perth. He hasnt soloed yet due to some admin problem, but is definitely having quite a good time over there.

Thats all for now. More later.

a quiet saturday?

Came back from ncc yesterday, called up YL. Havent watch a movie for quite awhile so wanted to watched Brotherhood with him. But he called up soon after and said he had run some errands so couldnt make it. Decided to message a few frens to see who is available. Sadly, none could give me any confirmation. Gitot tired and fell asleep.

Woke up two hours later at four, read the 1961 book "Fate of the Hunter" by Ernest K Gann on my bed, it was a biography about the joys and pains of flying DC2-Dc3s in the early days of airline transport. Very poetic, very descriptive. Could almost feel the ice forming outside my window as he describe a scary night flight when the aircraft ran into severe icing, engines dying, wings coated thicky with ice, and zero visbility. The sweat and fear was vividly illustrated. Havent done this for a long time. Feels as if I was back to my childhood days of reading aviation books on my bed every morning, especially the book "Going Solo" by Roald Dahl.

Reading the book made me look forward to the impending flight on wednesday evening with AJ, will be flying as co-pilot/pax with him on the cessna 172 after my lessons. Hopefully can get him to pick me up from school and then head down to the airfield together. I miss breathing the thinner air. Flying in the teacher's monkey suit, gosh. How uncomfy.

Finished reading, and called up GD for dinner. Wanted to have a quiet dinner with GD and then met up with Meiling Gang at Indochine to chill out. That was the program for the day.

Headed down to orchard, received a message from XY and said she didnt want to watch movie, but wanted dinner. I thought about it for awhile, and met up with GD and found him with JN and YH. The party has gotten bigger and will get bigger as JN was expecting more friends. I dunno whether I did the right thing, but decided to ask XY to join in. Maybe she wanted a quiet dinner too that was what ran through my mind. We went down to Olio Dome wheelock for dinner. XY arrived soon after, being two weeks since I saw her.

She was quiet during the dinner, a little stoned. But smiling whenever someone cracks a jokes. She has always being the quieter sort compared to the ladies that I knew in my teaching profession. Her nursing job didnt require her to talk alot. it was awkward for her to see so many strangers on the table.

Am I attracted? I'll be frank with this. Yes a little, havent felt like this since JM. CL came down and joined in the dinner. That makes a total of nine people on the table. He glanced at the crowd, and the first thing he asked was "Is the gal here?" I nodded and glanced to my left, he looked at XY and a silly grin came on his face. I saw that grin before. When LL came to my 21st birthday party many years back, that silly grin appeared. It was his way of showing approval. Being the big bro he always have been, he was always worried about ladies coming into my life and hurting me.

Expecting her to be a little more awake as the night goes on as she usually does, after all she works the night shift all the time. But I realised she was too exhausted. Now I knew why she didnt want to catch a movie.

Dinner ended and I had to go off to meet the meiling gang at Indochine. Did ask her to joined in but I knew it was too much meeting new people for her in one day. Felt a little lousy about it all. Should I have jus met up for dinner with her alone. Then things wouldnt be that awkward. Felt that I screwed up last night .Sigh..

Anyway, will take things easy. its been 4 months since the disaster with JM. Am still worried about going through everything again. But I knew a chance is here. And I cant let it slip away. Will try but be cool about it.

So much for a quiet saturday huh?